For decades after she was sexually abused, Nia was convinced she was a ‘bad person’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Nia explains how she was left feeling unloved and rejected by her parents after they separated and started new lives.
From the age of 12, she was groomed and sexually exploited by a group of men, some of them servicemen from overseas.
Nia relates that when her mother got a new partner, she said ‘This is my time now’. Nia spent a lot of time on her own until she took a cleaning job in a local hotel.
The manager was a man in his 30s, called Zaine. Nia describes him as ‘rather grotesque’; he was overweight with bad teeth, but she says, ‘He made me feel listened to and treated me as an adult … he made me feel like he was on my side’.
She began spending more time with Zaine, he would flirt with her and talk about ‘sexual stuff’. Nia says this escalated to him pressing his body against hers and feeling her over her clothes. She describes how she ‘froze and didn’t know what to do’.
Nia finds it difficult to talk about what happened next, but she explains that Zaine persuaded her to take part in sex acts by promising to give her money. She says it seemed like a huge sum and eventually she agreed. She comments that this was the reason she kept silent about the abuse for decades. ‘I felt deeply ashamed that I allowed him to touch me for money’ she says.
As the abuse continued, she says Zaine would give her instructions on ‘how men like it’. Around this time one of Nia’s friends also started working for Zaine, and he sexually abused her in the same way.
Zaine began to hold parties and ‘lock-ins’ in the hotel bar. He would give Nia and her friend alcohol until they were completely drunk and use this as an excuse for them to stay the night in a guest room. He raped both the girls.
The abuse then reached an even worse level of exploitation. Zaine started arranging for Nia and her friend to have sex with other men who came to the hotel bar. Several of these men were from a nearby military base.
Zaine bought the girls underwear, including stockings and suspenders. Nia remembers her mother saying she had seen her ‘dirty underwear’ but she never questioned it. She adds that she is sure other guests and customers of Zaine’s knew what was going on, but no one took any action.
Nia says that while she was being sexually abused as a child, she did not see herself as a victim. She says ‘At no point did I equate what happened to me as rape or sexual abuse’. In fact, she spent the following 30 years or so feeling great shame.
In recent years, she told her mother what had happened to her as a young girl, and then reported it to the police, but this was a very bad experience for her. She says they showed a complete lack of care or understanding and she felt badly betrayed by them. Communication was poor, and Nia feels their attitude was that the abuse had happened so long ago that she should be ‘over it’.
She made a formal complaint about her treatment by the police, and this was upheld.
She says the impact on her life has been huge – she had a breakdown and has PTSD. The abuse affected her self-esteem and confidence, she has struggled with feelings of shame, anger and resentment.
Nia feels strongly that young people should be educated about sexual exploitation and reassured it is never their fault, as, she says, it is this sense of shame that keeps young people silent.
She also feels strongly that police officers should receive training on trauma and that only specialist trained officers should deal with abuse cases. Finally, Nia wants to see non-recent abuse cases handled by the police in the same manner as current offences.
Nia is having counselling that she is finding helpful.