Olivia thought ‘It was normal for girls to do anything to please their partner, even if they hated it’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Olivia felt ignored by her parents, and this made her vulnerable to sexual abuse by a teenage boy.
Because the abuser was only two years older than her, Olivia feels the police did not see the abuse as ‘too problematic’.
Olivia shared her experience in writing. She explains that her father worked long hours and her two siblings had neurodevelopmental disorders and needed a lot of attention from her mother. She says ‘I was left to my own devices’. She understands why her parents were preoccupied, but adds ‘I felt very lonely and abandoned’.
She belonged to the cadets, and says she loved the activities and the sense of purpose this gave her. When she was in her mid teens, she met a cadet from another branch, called Luke. He was older than her and he made it clear he was very interested in her.
Luke asked Olivia if she wanted to be his girlfriend and she said yes, ‘because I was happy that someone was finally paying attention to me’. But she adds that it soon became clear that ‘sex was a motive’ for him.
One day at her house, Luke persuaded her to go upstairs with him, and he raped her. She writes that it was painful and she asked him to stop, but he refused, saying it was ‘normal for it to hurt’. She says afterwards she was in pain and ‘felt disgusting’.
The next day, Luke broke up with her, saying she wasn’t ready to be his girlfriend yet. She was heartbroken but soon he was pursuing her again. She now sees this was a manipulative tactic that he used again and again, that made her more submissive to him. He also became angry with her if she ever protested about anything he did.
Luke bombarded Olivia with explicit messages and constantly pressured her to have sex, repeatedly raping her vaginally and anally. He sometimes took her to his parents’ house. She once came out of Luke’s room and saw a male relative of Luke’s, who was a senior figure in the cadets and the police, but he made no comment about her being there.
Olivia says Luke seemed to enjoy sexually assaulting her in places where they might be seen; this included at cadets events. When Luke turned 18, senior cadets officers warned Olivia that ‘relationships’ between staff and cadets were forbidden, but said they would ‘turn a blind eye’.
Then one day, Olivia heard some girls who were a few years younger than her talking about sexual things that Luke had made them do, and she decided to report him. The cadet officers said they would talk to his relative, but no action was taken and Olivia believes this was because of the relative’s position.
One of the girls’ parents reported Luke to the police, and they interviewed Olivia as part of the investigation. By this time she was two years older and she writes that this was extremely traumatic because two male officers questioned her at home when her parents were nearby.
She adds that the police were far more concerned about the other girls, and even though she had been raped by Luke when she was in her mid teens, they did not seem to think it was ‘much of an issue’. After she signed her statement, she says, they never contacted her again.
Luke was convicted and given a prison sentence, but Olivia only heard this news second hand. With no information about the trial, she says ‘To this day I have no idea what really happened … I don’t know if I got justice for what he did to me or not’.
Olivia describes how she has been affected by the abuse. She says that after Luke was sentenced ‘I felt truly a mess’, struggling with anger and guilt. She has panic attacks triggered by smells or images that remind her of Luke.
She feels that the cadets failed to protect her and other girls, ‘letting predatory individuals use their position of power against the children they are supposed to care for’. She writes that organisations where adults have access to children need to be taught to spot signs of abuse. She would like the police to make it easier for children to speak to them and communicate better about investigations.
Olivia is now having counselling which she finds helpful, and she has a support network she can talk to.