‘It’s hard to remember feelings. Actions I can remember’ says Ollie
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Ollie was 10 years old, he was sexually abused by a teacher.
He does not think he was badly affected by the experience, but hopes that by speaking out about it he may contribute to education and awareness of child sexual abuse.
Ollie grew up in the 1970s and describes a ‘good steady upbringing’ in a close family.
His first recollections of the teacher, Mr Smith, behaving inappropriately go back to swimming lessons when he was about eight years old. He says ‘I recall after getting changed this teacher hanging about watching us getting dressed’.
Ollie played a lot of sport, and even though he was used to being undressed in front of others in changing rooms, ‘this didn’t seem right’. He adds that he didn’t discuss this with the other boys. ‘Did you talk to your mates? No of course you didn’t.’
A year or so later, Mr Smith was the form teacher for Ollie’s class, and he taught them some sex education. Ollie now says that he has no idea whether this was ‘official’, but adds ‘How could we tell?’.
One day, Ollie was told by another boy that Mr Smith wanted to see him in the classroom. He can’t remember the exact details of what Mr Smith said, but it was words to the effect that he ‘wanted to check me out … I thought it was probably normal for sex education’.
Mr Smith took Ollie behind a partition and told the boy to get his penis out. He did not touch it, but looked, then told Ollie to send in another boy.
The same thing happened again, but this time Mr Smith did touch Ollie’s penis. Ollie says he started to get an erection ‘as would be normal for a young lad’. He remembers the teacher was sweating, and thinking ‘this is weird’.
He doesn’t think anything else happened, but again, other boys were called in.
Ollie explains that even though what Mr Smith had done didn’t feel right, he wasn’t sure he had done anything wrong and he didn’t think of talking to anyone about it.
He says ‘There wasn’t anything in the news about paedophiles. When you’re young you’re not sure what’s right or wrong’. He says it didn’t occur to him to tell his parents because he had not been physically hurt.
As an adult, Ollie moved away from his home area for many years. Then, on a visit back to the area, he had a chance conversation with another former pupil who told him Mr Smith had been prosecuted for child sexual abuse.
He says ‘That got me thinking and confirmed it hadn’t been right’.
Ollie does not think he has suffered any significant impacts from the abuse. He is a recovering alcoholic, but is not sure that is connected.
He considers that his experience is ‘straightforward’, but adds that he thinks it is very important to educate children from a young age that they have rights over their own bodies and what sort of touching is wrong. He has told his children about his experience and had open conversations with them on the topic of child sexual abuse.
‘As always, it’s about education’ he says. ‘Back then, we didn’t know anything about anything.’