Patricia says ‘You can’t bury this and function normally’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Patricia didn’t tell anyone she was being sexually abused by a teacher in her primary school.
Her parents were separated and she says ‘I didn’t want to give my mum anything to worry about’.
Patricia was sexually abused when she was about six or seven years old. Her teacher at school would encourage her to sit on his lap, and would then touch her private parts.
She does not remember a lot of details of the abuse, and she thinks that over the years she has chosen not to think about it, in order to protect herself. ‘Some of it I can’t remember and some of it I don’t want to remember’ she says.
Patricia does know that the abuse continued throughout the school year, and she is sure she was not the only child the teacher abused; he would sit other girls in the class on his knee, and in the playground he was always surrounded by a group of small girls.
She did not tell anyone about the abuse because the teacher warned her not to. ‘He said no one would believe me and I would get my mum into trouble.’
The abuse ended when Patricia moved up to junior school. Some time later, the police came into the school and asked some of the girls questions about the teacher. She found out later that a parent had reported him to the police, but she doesn’t know whether he was ever convicted.
The police took a statement from Patricia. ‘I can remember being really upset’ she says. She did not get any support, and her family never spoke to her about it.
She says that for a long time, even though she was so young when she was abused, she has felt guilt and a sense of responsibility about it. ‘I think, perhaps I wanted it to happen … why didn’t I say anything?’ she says.
Patricia has also suffered with anxiety and depression.
She works in child protection and she thinks that the police processes that she encountered as a child in the 1970s would be better managed today. However, she believes that there are still improvements to be made in the way that institutions protect children.
Patricia finds it hard to believe other staff at the school didn’t notice the teacher’s behaviour.
She adds that knowledge and awareness of child sexual abuse has increased. This has encouraged more victims and survivors to come forward, and she hopes this will continue.
‘It has to be everyone’s responsibility’ she says.
Patricia would like to see more age-appropriate education about child sexual abuse, and more support available for children who have been abused.
Until she shared her experience with the Truth Project, Patricia had only told one former partner about it. She has had therapy, but not specifically to try and deal with the abuse. She says she is now considering this.