Prisha says ‘The awful thing about abuse as a child is you don’t even know you’re being abused’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Prisha was sexually abused by two people as a child, and when she was 15, her parents tried to force her into marriage.
She is concerned that some professionals try to explain away abuse in some communities as ‘cultural differences’.
Prisha is of south Asian heritage. She suffered emotional abuse from her parents. She was the youngest child in the family by several years and felt unwanted and unloved. During her pregnancy with Prisha, her mother became unwell and Prisha was blamed for this by her family.
She was not given enough to eat, and was made to sleep on the floor next to her parents’ bed. Sometimes she was aware they were having sex.
Prisha was sexually abused by a white female. She does not specify what the relationship was between this female and her family. Prisha was four when the abuse began, and the abuser was about 15. It continued for about four years.
When it began, Prisha had no understanding of what was happening. She vividly recalls the teenager pulling faces and making sounds, and it was only years later that Prisha realised she had been sexually abused.
The teenager told Prisha that they were playing a secret game and that she would be punished by God and the police if she told anyone. Prisha accepted this. She recalls ‘I thought she’s white, I’m Indian, maybe it’s a game they play’.
During this time, Prisha did not want to leave school at the end of the day. She says ‘When the bell rang I used to cry and say to my teachers “I don’t want to go home”. But no one bothered to ask me why’.
She adds ‘I’d like to think questions would be asked now’.
From the age of nine, Prisha was sexually abused by an older Indian male who she knew as a cousin, but may not actually have been related to her. She comments ‘In Indian culture every adult is your aunty or uncle and you have respect for your elders’.
When this abuse began, she didn’t understand what it was, but she remembers thinking ‘Oh, this again’.
When she was about 12 years old, she saw a television programme about Childline and sexual abuse, and realised it was happening to her.
She remembers that the police had been into her school to talk about ‘stranger danger’, but she adds ‘They didn’t mention that abuse could take place at the hands of someone who was already known to you’.
Prisha told a teacher that she was being abused and was referred to a child guidance service, but no action was taken.
In her mid teens she attempted to take her own life by swallowing a large quantity of prescription tablets. Hospital staff reported this to the police, who interviewed Prisha. She told them she had been abused, and they said they believed her, but again no action was taken.
After Prisha was discharged from hospital, her family arranged for her to marry a man living in India who wanted to come to the UK. She says ‘I was 15, so my family were arranging for me to be raped, basically. I wanted to go to university’.
In her desperation, she asked for help from one of the hospital doctors, who admitted her again and wrote to social services. However, no social worker contacted Prisha and her family sent her to live with a male relative and his wife. He was a violent alcoholic and he made Prisha work in his business for no wages.
She missed an entire year of school when she should have taken important exams. She learned later that an education welfare officer had made enquiries about her but her family claimed she had gone to live abroad. She says ‘Why didn’t they ask for proof that I was there? I could have been dead. I was missing for a whole year’.
Prisha feels very let down that some of the allegations she made as a child were dismissed by authorities as ‘cultural differences’. She thinks some professionals are afraid of being accused of racism. She says ‘We need more diversity among social workers and other professionals who deal with child abuse’.
She also feels more action should be taken to prevent forced marriages. She adds that people should be aware that females can be sexual abusers. ‘No one thinks it is dangerous to leave a child with a woman’ she says. She thinks that children should be taught about child sexual abuse beyond ‘stranger danger’ messages.
Prisha is still significantly affected by the abuse she suffered as a child. She describes herself as feeling ‘stuck’ in some ways at the age of four. As well as losing a key year of education and attempting suicide when she was a teenager, she still suffers with PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks.
She says she will always be grateful to some of the NHS staff who protected and supported her. She reported the abuse to the police again recently but again no action was taken. ‘I’ve given up and decided to move on’ she says.