Ramon says he is glad that attitudes to child sexual abuse have changed since it happened to him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Ramon was sexually abused by a known predator who was a leader in a first aid charity.
When he told the police a few years later, his father said he should have been ‘over it’.
Ramon describes his parents as emotionally unavailable and not very demonstrative.
When he was 11, he joined a St John Ambulance brigade and attended weekly meetings and activities at the weekends.
Within a few weeks, the leader, Jerry, began showing Ramon a lot of attention, asking him to run errands and help out after meetings. At first, Ramon enjoyed this; he felt Jerry was being kind and it was a contrast to life at home. ‘We were always a burden to our parents so a bit of attention was nice’ he says.
One day, after a meeting, everyone else had left and Ramon was tidying up. Jerry started talking to him about masturbation, and then dropped his trousers and started masturbating. He told Ramon to join in, saying ‘this is what men do together’.
Ramon remembers how confused he felt, adding that he was naive about sexual matters.
Jerry then undid Ramon’s trousers and masturbated him. Ramon doesn’t remember getting home. He was questioning what had happened, but Jerry had told him it was ‘ok’, and also that he mustn’t tell anyone.
Ramon missed the next meeting, but his parents encouraged him to go the following week. He discovered that the session had been cancelled but Jerry hadn’t told him. Jerry took Ramon to the toilets and sexually abused him in the same way as before.
After this, Ramon tried to avoid being alone with Jerry by arriving at meetings late and leaving early. On one occasion the leader took him and a group of boys swimming. He took his trunks off in the changing rooms and started to touch them sexually.
Ramon made an excuse to go into the pool. After some time the other boys came along, but no one said anything about what had happened.
For the next few weeks, Ramon made excuses not to go to meetings, but his parents persuaded him to go back.
For a while, Jerry left him alone and Ramon felt relieved. But one evening he was kneeling down in the office, tidying up, and Jerry came into the room and sexually abused him.
Ramon managed to get away. He was so shocked he ran all the way home, forgetting his bike. After that day he never let himself be alone with Jerry. He never told anyone what had happened. ‘I was upset … traumatised … I knew it was wrong’ he says.
He carried on going to meetings for another few years. When he was in his mid teens, another boy told him that Jerry ‘tried it on with me’, and Ramon confided that the same thing had happened to him. At that moment, he realised his friend’s father had overheard the conversation.
The other boy’s father reported what he had heard to the police. Jerry was arrested and a police officer came to Ramon’s house to interview him. Ramon’s father was present during the interview and he commented to his son ‘Shouldn’t you be over it by now?’ At this point Ramon refused to say anymore and he didn’t speak about the abuse again for many years.
Jerry was prosecuted and sentenced to time in prison. A large number of cases of abuse by him, going back decades, were held on file.
It turned out that another leader had been sexually abused by Jerry, and Ramon feels let down that people in the organisation knew that Jerry was a sexual predator. The brigade was closed down but St John Ambulance did not apologise to Ramon or offer him any support.
When he was released from prison, Jerry returned to live in the area.
Ramon says the sexual abuse affected his relationships and general wellbeing. He hid his feelings, and suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts.
He feels it is vital for victims and survivors to be treated with empathy and an open mind during investigations. He says parents should be educated about child sexual abuse and how to support their children. He would also like to see improved access to counselling and clear messages to victims and survivors that abuse isn’t their fault.
A few years ago Ramon went for counselling. He says it took him some time to talk about the abuse, especially the last assault. ‘For years I blamed myself … I still cry occasionally’ he adds.
Ramon feels things ‘have moved on’, in that sexual abuse is talked about more openly and responses are different. ‘At least I know now that I can blame him’ he says.