Reuben says in his community ‘what is seen as taboo they don’t talk about, and that causes a lot of damage’
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Reuben was brought up in a devoutly religious community.
He believes that their strict observance meant that sexual abuse would not be dealt with, or even acknowledged.
Reuben and his ultra-orthodox Jewish family moved to the UK when he was about 12. The move was very traumatic for Reuben, because, he says, there is no balance in his community in this country between strict religious observance and practical life.
During his early teens he was sexually abused by three teenage boys at the Jewish school he attended. This included sexual touching by the perpetrators and masturbation of all the boys.
Reuben comments ‘I was lonely, not popular, at school … I wanted to get friends and they took advantage of me’.
Reuben says the headmaster knew what was happening among the boys, but he did nothing to stop it because it would have been unthinkable to have even acknowledged it in this closed religious community.
The abuse continued for about three years. Reuben did not tell his parents what was happening, but he says his behaviour deteriorated. ‘I was angry and depressed – it wasn’t easy to live with me at all.’
His parents sent him to see a psychologist but he did not talk about the abuse. After an incident involving Reuben, his father sent him to live abroad.
From talking to other people in the community about his school, Reuben believes ‘mine was one of many incidents’. He adds that some parents removed their children from the school because of things they heard were happening.
A few years ago, Reuben reported the abuse to the police, but says that he didn’t have the emotional energy to continue with the process.
Reuben says the abuse has had a lifelong impact on him and his relationships. He and his wife got divorced, although he says they are amicable.
He feels very strongly that by law, children should be given sex education in school. He says in the community he was raised in, ‘they teach nothing, only bible studies … they place importance on the wrong things’.
He adds that he thinks the strict separation between boys and girls is ‘ridiculous’ and the extreme beliefs are damaging for children.
Reuben would also like agencies and social workers to be allowed into faith schools. He says they would need to be religious so they will be accepted and listened to.
He feels he has a moral responsibility to try and stop what happened to him happening to other children. ‘There has to be a way to do things with a little more balance’ he says.
Reuben is very close to his children. He says ‘Being with them is a life saver and I am very grateful for that’.