Robb says that as a child ‘The only thing I knew was fear of authority’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Robb was groomed and sexually abused by a teacher at his private school.
When the abuser retired, he contrived to give Robb private tuition so he could continue abusing him.
Robb describes the time he went to prep school at the age of seven as ‘a pretty miserable period of my childhood’. His father left home and his mother had a nervous breakdown. He says his mother took out her anger on him, thrashing and beating him frequently.
He says the ethos at his boys-only school was ‘Victorian era’, centred around punishment and fear to coerce children to succeed. When pupils got poor marks, they were sent to the study of a senior teacher, Mr McDonald.
This happened to Robb frequently, and he describes the experience as ‘very bizarre … almost ceremonial’. Mr McDonald would grab his hair and lead him into his study. After lecturing Robb on what he had done wrong, Mr McDonald would instruct the child to drop his trousers and pants and bend over. Mr McDonald would thrash him, with a cane or a shoe. Robb says it was so painful he would cry. The teacher would tell him to pull up his trousers then come over and ‘cuddle’ him for a long time, not moving or talking.
‘I remember feeling deeply deeply uncomfortable with this’ says Robb. ‘As I got older I realised he got some sadistic pleasure from this.’
Over the following years, the abuse escalated with Mr McDonald hitting and rubbing Robb’s bare backside with his hand. Robb says ‘It wasn't painful, it was humiliating and made me feel very uncomfortable’.
A few years later the teacher retired, but he took on the role of a tutor to give boys extra help to pass exams. Robb was sent to Mr McDonald’s house every week for tuition. He says ‘I didn't like this at all, but at the same time it was exciting as I was allowed out by myself’.
Mr McDonald made a point of telling Rob that he was ‘useless’ and he would berate the boy until he cried. Robb says he was terrified of him.
Once Mr McDonald had made him cry, he would tell Robb to sit on his lap then hug him and run his hands over his body. Robb describes how he was too afraid to say no. ‘I sat frozen with fear as stiff as a board. I was too young or too frightened to say anything.’
The tutor tried to justify his behaviour by saying he was ‘soothing and comforting’ Robb because he was upset.
One of Robb’s school friends was also being abused by Mr McDonald. They once had to go on a day trip with him. He told them to bring swimming kits, even though the weather was cold, and they realised he was spying on them as they got changed.
The abuse stopped when Robb left the school in his early teens. He never saw Mr McDonald again.
After this, Robb says, ‘I became completely crazy’. He describes going on a ‘one-man mission’ to sabotage his education and he failed all his exams. At the same time his mother was still beating him and his anger drove him to alcohol abuse and a suicide atttempt.
Eventually he says ‘I took a long hard look at myself’. He found a profession that interested him and established a successful career that was ‘the saving of me’.
Robb has no difficulty building friendships, but he says he finds relationships more tricky. Although he has had some long-term relationships, he says there was always something holding him back from taking the next step.
He believes it is important for children to be educated about sexual abuse and the techniques that abusers use.
Robb has had therapy intermittently throughout his adult life and has found it very helpful. ‘As I have got older I have become more at peace with the difficulties I have had’ he says.