Serennah says ‘I kept trying to tell them what was happening and nobody would listen’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Serennah only has painful memories of her childhood.
She grew up in an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive household but was called a liar every time she asked for help.
Serennah was born in the 1960s. She remembers when she was about 10 or 11 years old, her stepfather Jimmi would ask her humiliating and intrusive questions about whether she had ‘been with’ boys.
He would do this in front of the rest of Serennah’s family and sometimes in front of his friends. When she answered no, he would beat her.
At night time when she was in bed, Jimmi would come into her bedroom and sexually abuse her. The abuse escalated to rape when she was 13. He told her it was ‘what all fathers do’.
He used rape as a ‘punishment’ – if she asked to go out, or if he saw her speaking to a boy, he would rape her and beat her.
Serennah tried appealing to her mother for help, but her response was ‘At least he’s leaving me alone’ and she did not intervene. The only time Serennah had any respite from the abuse was when she had her period.
When she was 11, Serennah told her teacher about the abuse she was suffering, but she was slapped and called a liar. Social workers were involved with the family and she tried talking to them, but again was dismissed as a liar.
The same thing happened when she told a Catholic priest about the abuse. She says that eventually she learned not to say anything to anyone, and adds ‘If nobody listens you feel helpless’.
When Serennah was about 14 she was caught shoplifting. She was placed with foster carers and says this was a happy time for her. But her mother and stepfather persuaded the authorities to return her after two years – she says they wanted her to look after their children. As soon as she went back, her stepfather started raping her again.
She wanted to leave home when she was 18 but was told she had to wait until she was 21. By the time she was able to leave, she had had two children by Jimmi. He denied that he could be the father, and beat her when she became pregnant.
After she left home, Serennah did not see her stepfather or mother again, but they regularly harassed her on the telephone. After she got married, Jimmi boasted to her husband that he had abused her.
Serennah sums up the wide-reaching effects the abuse has had on her. ‘I have not been able to do anything with my life’ she says.
She has mental health problems, has felt suicidal and has PTSD. She has abused alcohol and relates that at times, she would get into fights in order to get hurt. She struggled with relationships until she met her current partner, who is very supportive.
Serennah feels strongly that social workers should insist on talking to children alone or with independent observers if they are concerned about them. She wants children’s rights to be prioritised over parental rights.