Sheryl says ‘I learned not to ask for help because it made things worse’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When her father started sexually abusing her, Sheryl developed an eating disorder and repeatedly ran away from home.
None of the professionals she encountered asked her the right questions, or acted on what she told them.
Sheryl describes a childhood that was ‘ok’ for the first few years of her life. Following a move to a different area, she says ‘everything became difficult’.
Soon after the move, Sheryl’s father began sexually abusing her. Her mother was out a lot, working and studying, and Sheryl says her mother was not aware of what was happening.
When she was 10, Sheryl took all her pocket money and a change of clothes and ran away from home. The police found her and took her back. She relates ‘They asked me why I’d run away in front of mum and dad, and I couldn’t tell them what was going on’.
Sheryl ran away from home again soon after she started secondary school. This time, her mum and dad told the police that she was being bullied at school. Sheryl says this was true, but it wasn’t why she ran away, and the police took her parents’ word for it.
Not long after this incident, Sheryl told a friend that she was stockpiling over-the-counter drugs and planned to take her own life. Her friend told her parents, who contacted Sheryl’s parents. Sheryl’s father took the call. Sheryl says ‘He was really angry with me, and made me promise not to tell mum’.
In the following years, Sheryl ran away several more times, and the police always took her home. Her previously good academic performance at school deteriorated, as did her attendance. She developed an eating disorder and says the school was ‘monitoring me … but not in a supportive way’.
Sheryl later changed schools, and told her new head of year that she was being sexually abused, but the only action this teacher took was to contact her parents.
She ran away again, sleeping rough for about a week. The police picked her up and this time she spoke to them about the abuse, away from her parents. They called social services, but they told her they could not help.
Sheryl moved in with her boyfriend. Some members of his family were alcoholics and violent, and after a while, she says ‘I decided it was safer to move back home’.
She continues ‘My dad had been ill when I was away and he left me alone after that. I left and went to uni as soon as I could’.
Sheryl feels there were several clear indications of possible abuse that should have been noticed by people in authority. She says that people should talk to children who have raised concerns on their own, and never in front of the person they say is the abuser. ‘I would have preferred the police to talk to me on my own’ she adds.
She knows that at school, she went from being outgoing to very quiet, and from doing well in her school work to constantly truanting. ‘I think some things have changed and there are better processes, but there still needs to be more awareness.’
She stresses the importance of not taking things at face value. ‘I came from a middle class respectable background, with professional and articulate parents. People often judge on appearances.’ She would also like more resources for therapy for victims and survivors of abuse.
Sheryl concludes ‘I wish I had the courage to speak up sooner. The more people tell their stories the more awareness there will be’.