As a naive teenager, Tasmin found it impossible to ward off a predatory teacher
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Tasmin was not allowed to attend sex education classes at school.
When a schoolteacher groomed and sexually abused her, she had no idea how to stop him or tell anyone what he was doing.
Tasmin describes her family as ‘normal, but prudish’. She knew so little about sexual development that when she started her periods, she thought she was dying.
She attended a specialist music school which had a lot of retired teachers on the staff. A teacher called Mr A, who was in his 50s, started to pay Tasmin a lot of attention.
When she was 16, Mr A offered her one-to-one tuition for an exam. She went to his home for the additional lessons and when she arrived he said ‘I have to give you a cuddle … come and lie with me on the bed’.
He put his hands on her and then penetrated her with his fingers. Tasmin describes her confusion because this was a figure she knew she was supposed to respect. She says ‘Rightly or wrongly, I said nothing … if I am told to do something I will do it’.
Mr A continued to abuse Tasmin and told her not to tell anyone. She says this was not necessary, as she would not have spoken about it.
The next year, Tasmin moved to another school. She had previously been a high-achieving student but her attendance ‘dropped through the floor’. Mr A kept messaging her. She remembers feeling that all she wanted was to have a ‘normal boyfriend’ but this made Mr A really angry. He told her he loved her and was going to leave his wife so they could be together.
Tasmin began to experience chest pains and panic attacks. She was admitted to hospital and told she was suffering from anxiety. She began making up stories to get attention.
She describes the emotional hold that Mr A had on her as ‘fierce’. He became increasingly cruel and controlling; ‘I did feel trapped’ she says.
The abuse ended when she was 18 and Mr A was suspended from his job for a matter that was not related to abuse.
Tasmin suffers from flashbacks. She is afraid of intimacy and being touched, and feels anxious in many other situations. She is still distressed by the cruel things Mr A said to her and has had suicidal thoughts.
Some years after the abuse ended, she reported Mr A to the police but was told it would be her word against his.
Tasmin did attend counselling but it was not at all helpful as she felt the counsellor did not believe her.
She now works with young people. She says she would ‘do anything’ to help them if she ‘had an inkling they were going through what I did’.
She has a small child and finds great joy in being a mother.