Todd says ‘This hellhole, masquerading as a school, destroyed my family, and life’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
For six years, Todd endured a brutal regime of extreme physical, sexual and psychological abuse at a Catholic prep school.
Some perpetrators at the school were later brought to justice, but the one Todd considers the most brutal, and many others, never were.
Todd attended boarding school in the 1960s and 70s. He describes ‘varying forms of sexual, psychological and physical abuse, meted out daily … amounting to torture’. He was sexually assaulted on a number of occasions, but ‘not as badly as some’. Along with this, the pupils endured violent beatings, force-feeding, bullying, taunting and humiliation.
He and other boys tried desperate measures to gain some respite from the abuse in the sick bay, such as forcing themselves to vomit.
Todd was seven years old when he arrived at the school. He describes how envious he felt when after a couple of terms, one of his friends had a breakdown and was hastily removed by his parents.
He writes ‘It is the psychological abuse that affects one most, casting the longest shadow’.
When Todd was 12 years old, he was due to move to the senior dormitories. He writes that he knew ‘what horrors lay in store for us … where Mr Smith – a vile, 24/7, unfettered paedophile and sadist – reigned for some years over the older boys’.
On occasions when the headteacher was away, Mr Smith would take charge, and ‘the school would become hell’.
Todd continues ‘I decided to fight back’ and he spoke to the wife of one of the more sympathetic teachers about Mr Smith’s behaviour. He writes ‘Mr Smith was eventually “removed” without fuss, allegedly going on to open a sweet shop’. Todd believes that Mr Smith continued to visit another prestigious Catholic boarding school run by monks.
Todd left the school when he was in his early teens ‘having suffered the first of countless breakdowns – a child alcoholic, broken and traumatised’.
Nearly 30 years later, Todd emailed the headmaster then in post, setting out what had happened to him at the school and questioning why Mr Smith had never been brought to justice. He did not receive a response. Mr Smith died a few years after.
Todd describes a heavy toll of debilitating impacts that he has struggled with as a result of the horrific abuse he experienced as a child. These include flashbacks, depression, ill-health, homelessness and broken relationships. He has low confidence and anxiety. He has self-harmed, abused drugs and alcohol, and attempted suicide.
Todd comments ‘A very far cry from the fearless, confident and happy seven-year-old child who arrived through the gates of the school … I have tried hard over the years to conquer my demons and move on, but meaningful recovery now seems remote’.
He feels he was criminally betrayed by the people who were entrusted to care for him, who then covered up crimes. ‘Sadly, it is probably no longer possible to hold them to account … as most of the key players are dead’ he says.
Todd believes that deep-rooted institutional abuse is widespread and systemic throughout the UK. He concludes ‘Radical re-thinking, root and branch reform, is required across all sectors’.