Valentine says of her family circumstances ‘I don’t know how anyone could not raise questions’
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Valentine’s mother had serious mental health problems.
She thinks that the professionals involved with the family should have paid more attention to the welfare of the children.
Valentine does not know what condition her mother was diagnosed with, but knows she was severely mentally unwell. She remembers her mother being ‘stretchered out’ of the family home. Her mother also had intense obsessions with her children’s private parts and sexual development that led her to take them for frequent medical examinations.
However, Valentine says, ‘No one raised any concerns about how we were being brought up … no one asked any questions’.
The children could not look to their father for support because he was aggressive and violent.
A relative called Abel used to visit Valentine’s family, and he began sexually abusing her when she was about seven years old. She remembers being in bed and him pushing her down into the pillows and raping her from behind. She recalls him being ‘sweaty’ and the way he smelt.
The abuse went on for several years. She has another memory of Abel telling her ‘Don’t tell’ when she was a teenager, or her aunt would be upset.
Following this, there was a family get-together and someone commented ‘Abel will be there … you won’t want to come’. This makes Valentine think that some of her relatives knew Abel was abusing her.
Valentine says her home life meant that she was ‘very badly behaved … I cried and raged a lot … it ruined my ability to make friends’.
She says that no one at her school ever questioned her behaviour and she thinks this may have been because her father was a respected figure in the community.
She adds that no one at her GP surgery questioned why she was being brought in so often.
Valentine left school at 16, and got married and had children. She struggled as a new mum and was unhappy in her marriage. She eventually got divorced.
She is constantly ‘on the alert’ and can’t bear being touched by anyone. She has suffered from mental health problems and has been in therapy for several years.
Valentine thinks that professionals should make the effort to relate to children, and not just focus on creating relationships with their parents. She is concerned that the quality of care varies between different authorities in the country, and believes this needs urgent attention.
After her divorce, Valentine went back to education and now has a career she enjoys. She is confident that she is good at her job but says ‘my personal life is a disaster’. However, she does have a close bond with her grandchildren.